Tuesday, December 13, 2016

10 Things that Sadden a Mom's Heart

As a child growing up, I would often think my parents didn’t love me if they wouldn’t do one thing or another. I would think they weren’t paying attention to me or that I just wasn’t important enough to them. Naturally, after having children of my own, I began to realize many things I had not seen from a child’s point of view. I began to apologize to my own mother for the pains I caused growing up, which in turn helped to bring us closer together as she saw me grow out of my own selfishness.

1. It really can hurt to discipline your child and watch that child cry. When my parents would tell me that my punishment for being bad was for my own good, of course I would think they were nuts. Even though I knew I had done wrong, punishment still seemed so unfair. I couldn’t see how my parents could be so cruel. Then I had my own kids and readily saw how it can hurt when I would have to endure the tears I knew I had caused from punishing their bad behavior. Even though it was truly “for their own good”, it hurt me as much to administer the punishment as it did for them to endure it!


2. Disrespect. This hurts because a parent has feelings, too. We feel that if our children love us enough, they will respect us. But children have to learn respect. Then when they do have a chance to learn and they hurt us anyway, it hurts even more because they should know better. It crosses boundaries that separate the parent and child in their order in the family. The parent, being older and wiser, feels that he or she deserves the respect and that it should come readily.


3. Rejection from peers. Most mothers want their children to fit in, to feel accepted and maybe even admired by their peers. Normally, this isn’t wrong unless the parent or child has gone overboard with it! But when the child comes home at the end of a school day or event or even a birthday party and is hurt because of peer rejection, it saddens the mother’s heart as well. She may even feel she has failed that child herself by not helping them become acceptable.


4. Independence. Even though independence is a normal, positive thing, it can sadden a mom’s heart when a child begins to pull away from mom. No matter what the age, when the child wants to shun mom and do his or her own thing, it still brings a bit of pain knowing it is best to step back and allow the child to have that space needed to grow.


5. Favoritism. It can bring sadness to a mother’s heart when a child begins to prefer another parent or another adult over them. If a parent and child have usually been very close, and the child begins to explore their relationships with a special aunt or grandparent or the other parent, it can sadden a mother’s heart to have to learn that she must allow the child to have other relationships and that she does not have to always be the main person at all moments to be just as loved.


6. Sarcasm. Sometimes teenagers do not even realize they are being sarcastic to a mom or they will not realize the bitterness that accompanies the tone. It becomes so easy to be sarcastic to their peers while joking around or during school or at work, that they don’t realize how they appear when they speak to mom in the same tone.


7. When mom is in the wrong. It hurts a mom when she realizes she has done something wrong to her child. If she has really come down hard on that child for something and then later sees that she was wrong, it can truly sadden her heart to know she was the cause of the humiliation or anger or whatever other negative emotion or situation that was caused by her actions.


8. Embarrassment. When a child is embarrassed, it can hurt mom, too. Often the mom will suffer just as heavily as the child for whatever embarrassment the child suffers. Mothers who love their children deeply do not want that child to be embarrassed unless it is a joke and is taken in a joking manner. Sometimes embarrassment is endured during a prank, and it causes no harm. But if one person sees something as a joke and it is taken in a painful way by the other person, it is not fun.


9. Money. When a mom knows she can’t give her child something that child wants strongly, it hurts. When a mom has a hard time making ends meet and can’t even provide the basic necessities, it makes her heart sad. Money can be a necessary evil. When a mom gives that child exactly what they want and the child just continues to want more and more, it also saddens mom. Or when the mom is truly doing the best that she can, yet the child is never happy because someone always gets something better, it saddens mom.


10. Criminal behavior. When a child engages in criminal behavior, it saddens a mom’s heart. The mother often thinks that she has erred in teaching that child properly. Sometimes it is a matter of the child being an individual and not the mother’s fault at all. But irregardless of the reasoning behind it, when a mother works so hard to try to instill good morals and values, only to have the child disregard them, it saddens her heart.


There are many ways a parent has to learn to “let go” and allow their children to grow and change in their own way so that they can become a well-rounded individual. Even during the times when happy things occur, a mom will suddenly realize the child is growing up and changing and the reality will cause sadness even while the mom is proud to be a part of the changes. Many times I have swallowed my sadness so that my own children will be able to enjoy their moments of glory and joy and accomplishments while deep inside, I would grieve the loss of the youth or innocence. I still wanted my children to be happy even though it secretly hurt to lose a part of them.


Parenting is not all sad, of course. I offer only one perspective on it that many overlook. Being a mom can be a truly rewarding and enriching experience even with all the sadness. And sadness helps us grow as well.


Labels: 10 Things that Sadden a Mom's Heart

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