Tuesday, December 13, 2016

10 Things I Hate About Food

We need food, we love food, we couldn’t live without food (literally), but there are just those things that get me angry at it. In order from the least amount of loathing to the maximum amount of malice, I hate food because…

10) …of my dependence on it.


Maybe it’s just a “me” thing, but I don’t like having to depend on something. If you look at it this way, we are always on the edge of death; a few days until we die of thirst and a few weeks until we die of starvation. Don’t get me wrong, living on the edge can be fun, but human kind is just too close for comfort!


9) …I will never be able to cook it as well as my mom… ever.


No matter how hard I try, no matter how closely I follow the recipe, or how many cute personal touches I put into a dish (a pinch of salt, a dash of pepper!) I will never be able to cook as well as my mom. My mom is a fantastic chef, who can whip up a gourmet dish from what’s lying around. Her talent is almost as infuriating as it is delicious! I know some of you out there have moms like this; isn’t it hard to know that on your best cooking day your cuisine just won’t be the same? I have this “mom’s cooking” theory: because you grew up on the specific way your mom cooked, your cooking, or anyone else’s, just won’t be the same. I hear tale of a few of you that can cook circles around your maternal figure, you lucky few! Perhaps you can send a recipe my way that will make me feel less substandard.


8) …of those people with high metabolic rates.


I have been of average build for all of my life, and I am quite happy with myself, but I have my limitations when it comes to eating. Unfortunately for me I know way too many people who can eat as much as they want, for as long as they want, and not gain an ounce. What I keep on telling myself is that those people tend to have higher cholesterol so they have to eat carefully in the end, too!


7) …it is just everywhere, in my face!


The moment I wake up, before I put on my make-up, I pass my refrigerator! While combing my hair now, I think of what cereal to eat now, I pass by Mickey D’s on my way to work! You can’t escape food, whether it is vending machines, fast food chains, or simply commercials, which brings me to number 6 on my list.


6) …Food + TV = Annoying.


From those commercials which remind me of food or yummy food I’m too inadequate/lazy to cook, to those cooking shows which really makes me want to turn in my frying pan, TV not only always reminds you of food (and hunger) but it always wants you to base your life around food. Buy this frozen pizza – 24 hour breakfast – The way to his heart is his stomach – TV seems to be a non-stop food advertisement, especially when you begin to feel hungry.


5) …of in inequalities with the world wide distribution of it.


Thus far in the article I have complained and moaned about my own petty misgivings about nourishment, but on a serious note; the way developed nations circulate food around the world is disgraceful. The planet makes enough food for everyone to have more then their fill, yet there are storage houses all over the developed world filled with rotting grain and crazy statistics like “every seven seconds a child in Ethiopia dies of starvation”. Take the mentality Americans and Rwandans take to an all you can eat buffet (I say this because I have had extensive conversations about this with 3 different Rwandan ladies); An American would grab a bit of everything, and if he or she didn’t like a certain dish, he or she would simply push that plate to the side and get something new. The Rwandan would take only what they can eat and would try the food before heaping it onto their plate to ensure the nourishment would not be wasted.


4) …of digestion. Yuck.


Do I need to say more? What your stomach does; the gas exchange, and all that stuff involving toilets (from both ends) is disturbing. Digestion is seriously gross, but necessary.


3) …of how expensive it’s getting.


As I am writing this article, avocados are three bucks a pop at my local super market. We all are feeling the brunt of food and gas prices. Any one of us could write a rant about how this is affecting our lives; instead I’ll just leave a suggestion to maintain a vegetable garden. At least you know what you put on your own tomatoes.


2) …of eating disorders.


This is a very serious matter. I have never had an eating disorder and I may not be at liberty to write about them, so I won’t. There are enough people ready to criticize or talk about this problem that have had more experience with them then me, but I would like to remind readers that all these disorders are serious afflictions that should be handled with care and compassion.


1) …it makes me unjustifiably happy.


No matter all of the mean and negative things I can say about food, my love for it far outweighs my hatred of it. The tastes, the textures, how it makes you live and thrive; food is a thing to cherish and enjoy as well as a means of survival! I have been suggesting things this entire article and as I reach the conclusion of my second to last sentence all I can leave with the reader is one word that sums up my love for food; bacon. As both a necessary component to life and as a delectable form of art, food is just so good!


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